"only get a license, don't sleep together": what happened to those couples who chose "formal marriage"?

/September 2023

pay Yang

produced by: marriage and Family Magazine


in order to cope with all kinds of social and family pressures, some people choose to marry.

the so-called formal marriage is a kind of mutual help marriage with only form but no substance, in which both husband and wife remain independent in personality and physiology, do not bear family responsibilities and fail to fulfill their marital obligations.

in the past, when people mentioned formal marriage, people would think of gay men and lesbians. In fact, at present, many people with normal sexual orientation have joined the formal marriage group for various reasons, and even gave birth to the profession of "formal marriage intermediary".

Why do they choose formal marriage when their sexual orientation is normal?

marriage really enable them to have a safe relationship?


if you have a cat and a career, you don't need a man

Jin Yan is 34 years old, sweet and capable. "I'm not a lesbian. I just don't want to get married, because I really don't need a man," she told reporters. "

12 years ago, Jinyan left her hometown of Ningbo and opened a Yunton shop in Shenzhen after graduating from university. After years of hard work, five chain stores have been opened so far, and the business is booming. She devoted most of her time and energy to the cause. After being introduced, I have also been in love several times, all of which ended in a breakup.

Golden geese never feel lonely because they are accompanied by cats. She thinks cat Huanhuan knows her better than men. When the mood is low, the joy will circle around her, call to rub her trouser leg, amuse her; hold Huanhuan in her arms, listen to its "grunt" purr, the golden wild goose feels very happy.

Huanhuan is cute, cute, obedient and easy to raise. She even feels that if she has Huanhuan, she doesn't have to get married and have children, because Huanhuan is her own child, and she enjoys this simple and happy single life of one person and one cat. Jin Yan said, "I like keeping cats." Compared with people, cats let me feel more at ease and relax, it will give me the simplest companionship and trust for no reason, there will be no betrayal or harm. "

however, Jin Yan's parents have been urging her to get married, and it has become a worry for their daughter in her 30s not to marry. They don't even want to chat with their neighbors because they are afraid of their neighbors' jokes. Parents call on relatives and friends to introduce Jinyan and often go to dating corners in various parks in order to find a marriageable partner for their daughter.

in May 2019, Jin Yan's mother suddenly called her, saying that her wife was seriously ill in hospital and was in critical condition. Jin Yan rushed back all night, only to find his father sitting at home watching TV. Jin Yan rushed out the door angrily. Her mother hugged Jin Yan and cried and said, "can you understand your parents' feelings?" It is wrong for us to deceive you. To trick you back is nothing more than to get you on a blind date. What if you fall in love at first sight? "

Jin Yan is a little scared. "this time they are pretending to be sick. Will they hurt their bodies in order to force me to get married?" In order to avoid her parents' extreme behavior, she told them that she had a boyfriend and was already talking about marriage. Because the two people are not in the same city, talking about a long-distance relationship, worried that the relationship will change, so they have not told their parents.

during the National Day holiday, Jin Yan and her boyfriend An an went back to Ningbo for a lively wedding. Jin Yan's parents felt relieved, holding their daughter's marriage license and wedding photos, happily looking left and right. What they don't know is that the marriage between their daughter and son-in-law is formal.

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An an is a good friend of Jin Yan for many years and has a sad love history. He once fell in love with a beautiful and elegant girl, thought he was his goddess, and proposed to her. Unexpectedly, the other party cheated on him and gave him sexually transmitted diseases. After being badly hurt physically and mentally, An an developed a serious penchant for cleanliness, feared intimacy and became an unmarried man.

after Jin Yan put forward the idea of formal marriage to An an, he, who also suffered from his parents' urging for marriage, immediately agreed. The two agreed that they would still live in their respective cities after marriage, go back to visit their parents during the holidays, cooperate with each other, and play the roles of "daughter-in-law" and "son-in-law".

but can formal marriage last long? "We talked about the future," Jin Yan said. If the parents urge the birth of another child, we will adopt one, with half of the child support fee paid by both parties. If there are no feelings between the two sides, it doesn't matter if they don't hurt or hurt. What's wrong with living a life without burden, allowing yourself to be free and happy, reassuring your parents and fulfilling others at the same time? "

Jin Yan told reporters that there are many married people like her and A'an. Subsequently, the reporter joined a QQ group of 800 unmarried people. "undercover" for a month or so, found that at least 200 people in the group were forced to marry because their parents urged them to marry.

they continue to be singles in their own cities in the name of long-distance couples. For these young people, getting married and having children symbolize a mediocre and boring life.

with the development of society and the popularity of the concept of equality between men and women, more and more women have the ability to live independently. They neither expect to get a long-term meal ticket through marriage, nor are they willing to become a reproductive tool.

they need men to know how to love, to cherish, and to have a warm heart.

at the same time, many young men also refuse to bear the responsibility of carrying on the family line, thinking that instead of getting married, it is better to seize the time to fight for a career and be a single aristocrat with freedom and struggle.


if you want to get married and make a profit, others are also setting you up

No matter what the original intention is, one of the important reasons why people join the formal marriage family is that this kind of mutual help marriage makes them feel safe. So, is formal marriage really safe?

Cheng Bo's parents are Chinese.After the reform and opening up, the first generation of businessmen who went to sea to do business, their families had billions of assets. As a rich second generation, countless girls favor him. However, 32-year-old Cheng Bo has never been in love, and he has an unspeakable pain-he is a sexual dysfunctional and has not improved for many years, so he rejects marriage.

Father Cheng suddenly held a family meeting and said, "my health has been going downhill for the past few years. I'm going to retire next month." Therefore, the company will hold a board meeting in the near future to redistribute its shares. Referring to the equity distribution system of other companies, the equity allocation of unmarried children will be less than that of married children, and those with high equity allocation will naturally be promoted to general manager of the company. I hope you two brothers will continue to work together to run the company so that you can climb to a higher floor. "

his father temporarily decided to retire, which caught Cheng Bo by surprise. Judging from the current situation, it is almost certain that the married brother can not only get more shares, but also sit firmly in the position of general manager. But with his ability to work, he thought he was no worse than his brother, and Cheng Bo was unwilling.

at this time, Cheng Bo's best friend gave him advice: "I'll help you find a woman to marry, and you'll get divorced after the shareholders' meeting. Maybe things will take a turn for the better." Without much thought, Cheng Bo immediately nodded and said "yes".

A few days later, after signing a prenuptial agreement and property notarization with the other party, Cheng Bo and a woman named "Liu Yan" went to the Civil Affairs Bureau to get a marriage license. After the marriage, the situation really reversed. After repeated discussions and collegial discussions by the board of directors, Cheng Bo was finally elected general manager of the company, and his equity was on a par with his brother.

after all the dust settled, Cheng Bo went to Liu Yan for divorce, but Liu Yan said, "if we get a marriage certificate, we are legal husband and wife, and I am determined not to divorce." Cheng Bo said angrily: "We agreed before marriage that we had a formal marriage, and we had a prenuptial agreement and property notarization. It was clearly written above that the property after marriage belonged to each other, and the debts, medical expenses, alimony and alimony incurred before and after marriage were borne separately."

Liu Yan "" smiled: "but you forget, we have another agreement, as long as the relationship lasts for one day, you have to pay me 500 yuan a day for cooperation."

Cheng Bo promised to pay Liu Yan 6000 yuan and another 20, 000 yuan, hoping that she would divorce him that day. But the price has been increased to 80,000 yuan, Liu Yan still refused to divorce. Cheng Bo had no choice but to sue for divorce by way of litigation. Because Liu Yan refused to divorce, the court did not rule; six months later, Cheng Bo sued for divorce for the second time, and the court finally ruled. It took more than 8 months from getting a marriage license to divorce, and Cheng Bo paid a high price of 150000 yuan.

the reporter interviewed Xu Naiyi, a lawyer from Nanjing Fade Dongheng Law firm, which is in charge of the case. He said that similar to Cheng Bo, he represents two or three economic disputes caused by formal marriage every year.